Operation Latte Thunder

2010-09-30T13:30:00.001-07:00

Moblogger is loads of fun!

Greeks vs Geeks

2009-10-19T14:21:00.000-07:00

So McNulty tried out for this Thursday's Greeks vs Geeks battle. Ten bands audition, four make it. We made it.

I am so fucking excited for this. This is going to be the first real show I've played since May. The last time I was on stage was a fucking blast. It's a night I'll remember for a long, long time.

McNulty will take the stage on Thursday. It's going to be very different from any Mechatama show I've ever played. Different stage banter, different feel, different everything.

We're sounding tight though. Really tight. Less than two months was all it took for three well polished originals and a few covers. We didn't even think we'd have enough material by now to play a show, so we were almost going to play Blink 182 covers. No more.

I'm impressed with what we've accomplished so far. I'm impressed with how much better everyone has become since the summer. I'm impressed that I'm not really terrible anymore. Greg and Adam are leagues ahead of me in terms of facilitation skill, so it feels great when they tell me that I am noticeably better.

We were talking about how we're going to present ourselves on stage. Looks like we'll roll with it and run a seamless set. I love when bands do this live. The Aggrolites play a LOT of their shows in this manner and it's always fucking grand.

I didn't think I'd be playing shows as early as October, but I guess that's where hard work gets you.

This is a pretty big show for a band's first performance. I hope people like it.

Progress is progress

2009-09-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Two songs.

This is going to be something special.

Eavesdropping

2009-09-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

I walked home yesterday in front of a girl who was talking loudly on her cell phone. Usually I have headphones with me, so I'd pay no mind and walk my pace. This girl, however, had a rather interesting conversation to drop in on.

Her: I don't know, he's just being weird. He always calls me when I'm busy!

pause

Her: Yeah! And our hotel was like, in the ghetto. Seriously, it was so sketch.

pause

Her: I just don't know, it's whatever. I called him and told him what hotel I was at and he told me he was at the Hard Rock across the street. (sarcastically) How convenient!

Few easy things you could tell about this girl from her demeanor:

-She lives in Nova. Southern culture, no southern accent. She also definitely had some money with that coach purse of hers, Blackberry, and designer threads.

-She's a drama queen. Look at how big of a deal is being made out of something that really doesn't matter.

-She wasn't the most attractive girl. Guaranteed she's probably had a couple boyfriends in high school and some hookups here, but men are't lining up to be with her. This is likely why she was making such a big deal over this one particular guy.

-She referred to her hotel as being in the ghetto. Sorry princess, but hotels across the street from a Hard Rock Cafe are nowhere in proximity to the ghetto. Anywhere.

Wake up you fucking idiot, you're getting played. How do you make it this far in life without having the self respect to figure this one out?

It's really not hard. He calls you when he knows you're busy because he doesn't want to hang out with you, but he wants to keep in touch so you two can hook up.

That'll be $20 please.

2009-09-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

Another awesome practice.

Today we pieced together the last of the chord progressions. Everything is sounding smoothly. We're definitely sounding more confident with our sync work too. Just need to get some timing down for pauses and other perks.

Greg is a monster, had three song riffs already written for other songs. Some of them are going to make sick tracks. We have plenty of other breakdown-esque parts to put into new songs. It should be looking very good.

We've decided on an EP that will be five tracks and two different parts. The EP will also be seamless, with one song flowing into the next.

It will tell you a story.

Friday

2009-09-07T14:18:00.000-07:00

I found a plastic wallet sleeve on Friday filled with credit cards.

Pausing for a moment, I contemplated funding my 7-11 run with this man's misfortune. I'm a little pissed that I even considered this. Sure, I was drunk, but that's no excuse.

As I said before, drinking takes away the barrier between what you want to do and what you should do. There are limits to this mentality though, and shooting my morality in the head is definitely one of them.

Noticed he was an Eagle Scout, a card carrying one as a matter of fact. I myself am an Eagle Scout. I wear a silver bracelet on my right arm every single day to remind myself of what I learned while I was in the troop.

It turns out that he was the only (name redacted) on Facebook. I tracked him down and wrote him a message, leaving my number.

He picked them up today. The guy was grinning from ear to ear. I made his day by not being an asshole. My father would be proud.

I'm proud.

Chicken or steak?

2009-09-05T17:14:00.000-07:00

Little highlight from last night's party:

There was a large, loud and obnoxious group of girls lost outside of our party. You know the kind I mean: way too much makeup, eighty-five pounds too much, not enough clothes.

My friend who hosted the party, being the gentleman he is, invited them up to join the party.

Me (to my other friend): "Man, I really don't know if I'm going to be able to pretend to be nice anymore."

Hot girl standing next to us: "Omg!"

Me: "I bet we could throw that leftover pizza off the balcony and get charged with manslaughter."

And then she started laughing. I guess misogyny is entertaining?

Later, two of them came to join us and smoke on the balcony. One was completely done up, smoking hot...the other not so much.

Hot girl likes Rancid. I'm wearing a Rancid t-shirt. I'm in. We talk about music for awhile while her annoying friend tries to jut in and give her unwanted opinion. You know how alcohol takes away that barrier between what you should do and what you want to do? Yeah...

Annoying girl: "Hey, you're ignoring me!"

Me: "You're talking to me? Oh...yeah I guess so then."

Cue her exit.

Turn it to 11

2009-09-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Practice was so fucking good today.

We've almost finished fully writing one song. It still needs a LOT of work, but we have the basic layout done. There's still a riff to be changed, and a lot of sync work to be done, but we have ourselves our first song.

And it's a good one too. Legitimately quality. There is an assortment of styles, I get to move the bassline around as much as I want, and the guitars are sick sick sick.

Polish, polish, polish. That's what we need to do now. Lots of practice, lots of hard work. If Tucker Max has taught me anything, it's that you have to work for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There are lots of ups and downs along the way, but never lose sight of your prize.

Oh yeah, and work on vocals. Goddamn I am a terrible singer when I try to impersonate Anthony Green.

We finished practice with a huge assortment of Blink 182 covers, and a little bit of Brand New.

Any frat boys want a Blink 182 cover band to play at their house party? We've got this shit on lock. I can play Carousel better than Mark Hoppus anyway.

Ha

2009-09-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

Man, she's great. I don't really know why she means this much to me, but I like it.

"Honesty makes you do the strangest things, like act angry"

-Moneen

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy

2009-09-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

So Brand New's album has leaked. It's called Daisy.

Two words: so beautiful.

I love music like this. Music that evokes emotion. Some of my favorite songs are the ones where you can just hear what the singer is feeling. No need to read the words, you just can hear it in his voice.

Take The Lawrence Arms song "I'll take what's in the box, Monty" off of their Apathy and Exhaustion album. The whole song is great, but around the two minute mark it cools off into a slower, softer part.

Three minutes in, it switches to minor. The drums move towards this powerful triplet rhythm in the bass and you can hear Chris playing a very melancholy, rock ballad over the top. It's pretty.

Then Brendan's tone changes.

"In the morning, creep out the door.
I don't know what you stayed this long for."

He's almost crying. He's almost fucking crying.

On with the show!

2009-08-31T13:18:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a new approach to this blog and seeing where it takes me. Previously, I've mostly written essays and the like about topics you probably don't give a shit about.

No more of that.

For this next series of posts, I'm just going to muse about my day and what I'm thinking about. I will also strive to deliver more visuals with my writing. What good are words without descriptions?

In a semester or two, I want to be able to reflect on my growth as a human being. I can't really think of a better way to do so, since I pretty much only express myself through music and writing.

So, on with the show. Today isn't over yet, so I feel like writing about yesterday.

Yesterday was a pretty big test of character for me personally. No one wants to read about my shitty sob story, so I'll spare you the details.

I was proud of the way I handled myself. No ridiculous, overly emotional bullshit that jeopardizes my ability to think rationally. Sure, it still felt shitty, but whatever. Fuck it. On with the show.

Man, I really like that saying. Thanks, TLA. I have no idea where I would be without Brendan and Chris's lyrics. What stories they tell. Such raw, unpolished stories that can move you to tears.

So anyways, just because I handled myself like a real adult doesn't mean it still didn't suck. But here's where I set myself apart from who I used to be.

I took that negative energy and I wrote a sick riff with it at practice. Damn, it was so cool seeing it come together. Do you know what feels like? To create?

It's the best feeling ever.

I am.

2009-07-08T02:34:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've written anything substantial, not fantastic for someone who bases his entire field of study upon written word.

This post will be a little different. This post will not be professional. This post will be personal. This post will have harsh words. But most importantly, this post will be real.

I've written a lot of speculative type shit in this blog. I talk about things that I analyze and read mostly. I've yet to actually live many of the things I've written. I don't know what it's like to have a serious relationship lasting more than a year. I don't know what it's like to go through a divorce. I don't know what it's like to have an abusive childhood. I simply don't know.

But I try to. I want to.

I want to understand and better myself. I try every fucking day to be better, smarter, more well rounded, more "complete."

Let me clear something up right now. I've had a great childhood. I moved when I was too young to have friends that I would have substantial memories with. My losses consist of only my grandparents. My parents were supportive of me, my sisters protective, and I will say right now that I firmly believe that I have the best fucking friends on the face of this planet.

And sometimes I still feel really alone.

How the fuck does that even work? What the hell is missing? What is wrong with me? I don't know, and believe me I've tried to find out.

I am assertive, confident and I love taking risks. Whenever I have no idea what is about to happen to me, I say 'fuck it' and take a chance. Mixing myself into unfamiliar situations is fun and exciting to me. I like exiting my comfort zone, just seeing where life takes me.

Though when I feel really sure of myself, when I'm positive that I have found some sort of direction in my life - brick fucking wall. You grasp that solace for one minute, and everything just seems to work out okay. Then you're thrown a curveball and your mind takes off in fifteen directions. I don't know about you, but I fucking panic when that happens.

I am obsessed with control in my life, or at least until this point I was. Nothing really happened to me that I didn't want to happen because I pushed people away before I lost control. Today, I have decided that is a worthless way to live.

Control? What fucking control? Am I fucking stupid? You have control over one thing, you. You control what you do. You control who you associate with. You control your decisions. I have plenty of control in my life, why the hell do I want more? What's the point?

That's it. I DO have control over my decisions and my emotions. I love feeling emotion, no matter how painful it is. I feel so fucking alive, even when I'm sad. A man much wiser than myself once said that one day, I'll look back at this age and wish I cared so much about such insignificant shit.

My name is Mike, and I am fucking alive. Not only that, but I am happy to be alive. I want to sit under the stars and just breathe, breathe, breathe, taking everything in around me. I want to listen. I want to just fucking listen to the world.

I am often insecure, sometimes a basketcase, other times an asshole, but I am me. I should be proud of who I am. How can I be comfortable with others if I am first not comfortable with myself?

You know what I'm going to do tomorrow? I'm going to wake up and work out for the first time in two months. I'm going to start designing my tattoo. I'm going to stop fucking waiting for everything to happen to me and make it happen myself. I'm going to just stop and fit in with the indifference of the world for once.

No one is going to dictate my happiness but me. If I have to bury some feelings, then so be it, but I'm going to feel them first. I'm going to feel that emotion surge through me. I will stutter, lose my train of thought, and say things the wrong way. I will not be articulate and succinct. I will just be, and what happens will just happen (thanks Chuck).

I've made a lot of mistakes and sometimes I feel that I haven't learned shit. But you know what? Right now it's Wednesday, July 8th, 2009. The time is 6:05 AM and I am still standing. I've made it this far, and I will push on.

My name is Mike and I am fucking alive.
My name is Mike and I am fucking alive.
My name is Mike and I am fucking alive.

A short story

2009-05-01T11:14:00.001-07:00

Jake finally awoke, half sunburned, lying on the pavement. He wiped at the cracks in his skin, removing the blood that had dried overnight. He didn’t think it would be like this. Only years ago, he gave up everything he had and hit the road with only a few cigarettes in his pocket.

Chicago to Columbus, Columbus to NYC, NYC to Montreal. It had been a tough hike, with plenty of obstacles involved, but Jake was intrigued, not taken aback. Though college never really panned out for him, he learned and explored every waking moment. He caught on fast, as most do when they have to. When he was hungry, he learned how to feed himself. When he was tired, he learned how to protect himself and sleep. That’s just how it went. Survival of the fittest.

At school, he used to be subjected to rigid schedules and tight deadlines, all racing towards a dream grave. “Not me,” he said. “I’m going to change the world.”

But waking up in an alleyway with the sun burning down upon the holes in your shirt and your wounds can really change a perspective quickly.

Maybe it was too late. Maybe he wasn’t trying hard enough. Maybe…he wasn’t going to change the world. It’s a shocking revelation, but then he looks around him and sees the life he has taken on. Does it look anything like he wanted?

No, and this is the where dreamers die. There are two options: make it the life you want or settle with the one you’re handed. It takes courage to grow, but it’s more rewarding in the end. Why settle for anything less than you feel you deserve?

Nobody said it would be easy. Nobody said there was a cure all for this.

He trudged out and was glanced up at the sky. It was pretty beautiful out. Fishing a few quarters out of his pocket, he figured one or two more would earn him a lunch. He walked on to check for a populated spot, while softly muttering, “Yeah, I’ll change the world, when I have time.”

My interview with Dr. Thomas Ollendick of Virginia Tech

2009-03-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

The room is brightly lit and welcoming. There is a window adjacent to the waiting room, allowing visitors to peer into office activites. Behind the large oak desk sits a stoic man with full credentials posted upon the walls. Dr. Thomas Ollendick is moving on to his next scheduled appointment of the busy day. Today’s activities include studying adolescent psychology, cognitive behavior therapy, and social learning theory. Dr. Ollendick has studied psychology for nearly 50 years, and plans to do so for many more. The following is a transcript of an interview Dr. Ollendick gave to Operation Latte Thunder.

Q: All right, just a couple of preliminaries, I saw that you started studying psychology in 1963?

Ollendick: Oh I did, yes.

Q: That’s 46 years, very impressive.

Ollendick: You’re bringing back some old memories.

Q: I was in a bit of a hurry and was trying to research as much as possible about you. You have a very impressive list of research credentials and seem to have been all over.

Ollendick: It’s been a good journey. A long journey, but a good one.

Q: One of the things I think that shapes us in our adolescent years and our developing years are the expectations of what we’re going to be experiencing in the “real world.” What do you think the expectations are now and how were they different back when you were growing up?

Ollendick: You’re taking me back to my high school years and my college days, in which of course at that time expectations were very high and also they were unlimited in the sense that you could achieve almost whatever you wanted to achieve by hard work, dedication, and persistence.

I think this is partially a way of saying that this characterized me at the time. I was a very hard worker, goal oriented, and had not a clear mission necessarily, but certainly one that said I wanted to move beyond where I had come from.

I came from a very poor background, rural Nebraska and Iowa. I grew up on a farm and my family were farmers, and here I am as a university professor. Farming is great. Two of my brothers are still farmers and I love it when I go back to visit and do things.

But my point here is that the expectations were high and were also not constrained by any existing constraints. I think the main difference now is that a lot of people still have some high expectations, but there is more stress, and there are more barriers to achieving things than I think there might have been back in my day.

So, probably contrary to most older people you might talk to, it wasn’t like the “good old days” so much. Although, those were good old days because I could achieve and accomplish and I think now it is harder to do the things I did because of a variety of things such as the economy, the world situation, or access to things. For me, things were wide open because I had this background. Where I would end up would be better than where I had come from.

Q: Those virtues of “hard work,” do you think a lot of the kids these days and their love for instant gratification understand those values today?

Ollendick: Well I have two daughters and grandchildren I should also add. I am saying that partially because I think our daughters grew up in a very different year than I did and our grandchildren are growing up in a very different year than our daughters did.

I think people still aspire and try to do things. I think you hit the nail on the head with instant gratification, in terms of things being handed to people and not having to necessarily work for them. That is not true of all people of course, as many many people have to work very hard for what they get.

But some people, a significant minority of people at least if not a majority, are unaccustomed to working hard for what they need to get. I’ve always referred to it as the “Sesame Street Generation.”

Q: Sesame Street Generation?

Ollendick: Well it’s because that Sesame Street is Pow! Boom! Boom! Stimulus! Excitement! Everything has to be glorified and right in your face, and of course that wasn’t occurring at all when I grew up. So I think there is an expectation that things will be more easily achieved.

Q: I think another big influence on people while growing up is their relationship with their parents. You see a lot of people my age and even younger entering rather abusive relationships with significant others because it’s just what they were used to while growing up. Do you think that the nuclear family unit has evolved at all since you grew up? It seems that you likely had a very tight knit family, growing up on a farm.

Ollendick: Yes. This is quite controversial, isn’t it? The way it was in the 50's and 60's is not now, when the families were closer together. For better or worse, many women stayed at home and were mothers primarily. And it’s great that women are out of the home and have jobs, and fathers as well. Fathers help out now much more than they used to. My father did very little with us as a family.

We know that divorce rates are higher than they were back in that time. We know of the stress level for couples staying together and having family time. I know one of my grandsons I could use as an example, and one of my daughters too. Three, four nights a week they were doing something. It’s not uncommon for that to be the case. When I grew up, it might have been once a week or zero times a week to be doing things outside of the home. The constraints were there and just made it happen, and now it is much more open.

Now I’m not saying that is necessarily bad. What I am saying is that the nuclear unit was tighter back then than it is now. I think we’re seeing a resurgence of that though. The divorce rate has been coming down in the past five years. I think we have gone out on that limb, and these things come in cycles as you probably know, and I think that we have gone out and have been liberated. What I think is happening now is that I think we’re kind of coming back and the nuclear family is taking on increasing importance.

Q: One of the things you mentioned was about stay-at-home-women. I believe that there has been a communication breakdown for females in the past 50 years. Men have been the ones who have been redefining communication since the 50's and 60's and I feel that has led to a lack of understanding and has limited women in terms of expressing their thoughts and feelings or their paradigm. Do you agree that communication has evolved in that way or do you have another thought?

Ollendick: What I see has happened is that both have changed over time. Men and women have evolved together to where it more or less works. Men certainly have softened some and have learned to be more emotional and communicate. I don’t think that means that women have become less of that. I think that most women and most men are still very communicative and communicate well with one another. The primary constraint on that is that if the situation changes, meaning that women now have full time jobs and many major responsibilities, the opportunity to be the communicator has to be reduced. Something has to give.

When that happens, I think the perception is that maybe it has backed off some, but it is still there.

Q: So it will vary from family to family depending on who’s working full time?

Ollendick: Precisely, yes.

Q: This brings us to my generation. I believe that we have been controlled by a fear of failing. I think that a lot of people my age are afraid to live their dreams because they’re afraid to fail. Do you have any comments or thoughts on my generation’s predicament?

Ollendick: Yes. I think you’ve stated it well, because in the past every succeeding generation outdid the preceding generation. My life, on a number of dimensions, was easier and better than my father’s. His was better than his father’s. But then when you come down the line to my children, they’re maybe on par with us or even a little below because the opportunities aren’t there that were there for us. Now the next generation, your generation, is going to be harder still. For the first time, people are speculating that your generation may be the first generation to not outdo the preceding generation.

Q: Is this the first time this has happened?

Ollendick: I believe that’s true, but I’m not a sociologist and I don’t know that as a fact. I’m a clinical psychologist and the clients I see often times are talking about that issue. “What can I do? I can never aspire to what you were!” Kids are now saying that about their fathers. There’s that issue of “Can I achieve what you have achieved?” because of some of the boundaries.

Q: I found myself in that same situation. My father went to Monmouth College and didn’t do too much there. He’s retired now, but he ended up as the president of a branch of Danaher Motion. He was involved in industry and mechanics for well over twenty years.

Ollendick: Well there you have it. There are still lots of opportunities. If you think about Microsoft Word and other things that have been developed, there are opportunities to go beyond where your parents were. I wouldn’t want to underestimate those, but I think it’s harder than what it used to be.

Q: I read that you were studying child psychology from 1971 to 2006. I was wondering what your take was on where the mistakes were being made in terms of parenting that raise children into having an unnecessary sense of entitlement or an expectation to fail.

Ollendick: That’s a big question, and a very important one. I’m still studying child psychology now and I will be doing it for years.

Where have parents gone awry? Where have families gone awry? Terribly important. First of all, I’m not sure it’s totally “awry.” It’s different, which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad or wrong. I think one of the major things that has happened is that parents have, in their attempts to be well liked by their children, given up some of the parenting role.

And what do I mean by that? There are three types of parenting that are usually talked about. One is called permissive. One is called authoritarian. One is called authoritative. The permissive parent just kind of lets happen whatever happens. It’s really trying to be a friend to the child instead of a parent. We know that children need to be guided. In my opinion, a young child is no different, has different capabilities of course, but no different than a non-human animal in the sense that they need to be guided and instructed and helped along the way.

If you’re terribly permissive, then none of that happens. The children in those families have the run of the family. They know not expectations.

On the other hand, the authoritarian parent is equally bad. I’m saying that two kinds of parenting are bad: overly permissive and overly authoritarian. For many parents, that happens at the worst time that it could happen to them and that would be adolescence.

So we know as children develop, it takes awhile to develop emotionally and cognitively and socially. But when adolescence comes in, these parents put the brakes on. Of course that’s when adolescence say “Whoa wait a minute!” And it’s natural to feel that way, but the parents buckle down more and it drives the kids up the wall.

Now the authoritative parent, that middle ground where the parent can still have a good relationship with you and encourage things, and be a friend…not quite the other friend that you just run over. A good friend will tell you when boundaries need to be made. They will also help guide you when you make mistakes and if you are making a big mistake they will try to pull you out of that situation.

These authoritarian parents don’t do that, but the authoritative parents do while setting guidelines and boundaries that are reasonable.

So where have they gone wrong? Too many parents have become permissive or authoritarian. That’s one side of the equation. You also take adolescents that are growing up into this environment where things are more instantly being gratified and things have to happen quickly without a lot of work. Those two are dynamite together. It’s gunpowder and fire. You put that with an authoritarian parent and boom, an explosion occurs.

Q: Mentioning adolescence, one of my questions was when do you think the most developmental years of a person’s life are? Would that be adolescence?

Ollendick: Oh every year is a developmental year. Even at my age. Let me back off that just a moment though, because things are changing very rapidly. In the first year of life, more happens than say, how old are you?

Q: I’m 20.

Ollendick: So between 20 and 21. More is happening between zero and one in terms of your development than between 20 and 21. And more is happening for you than say someone 40 to 41. I’m 63, and more is happening for that person between 62 and 63.

Q: So you’re saying that we’re always developing then?

Ollendick: Yeah. I’m still developing. I’m not fixed. If I was, then I would be dead to the world and dead to myself and I wouldn’t want that. I have to evolve and change. My wife might not always say so and my grown daughters might not always say that, but usually they will. They will recognize that you are always evolving.

I say that they are all important. I don’t mean to minimize your question, since adolescence is very important, but so is early childhood, young adulthood and middle adulthood.

Q: The other part of what you were saying before, about how children have lots of influences in regard to instant gratification. Do you feel that the pop culture world has started to leak into the development of our children?

Ollendick: Oh I think unquestionably so. I would say not only leak, but flow. Flood, maybe. It’s hard, and you would know better than I of course, as you are probably more observant to pop culture than I am.

Q: In middle school I was very into MTV and a lot of similar stuff. I grew out of it, but I have seen that a lot of my generation still has really delved into the pop culture.

Ollendick: It’s so pervasive, isn’t it? It would be silly to think of it not affecting you, right? The pop culture back in earlier days, even just 15 or 20 years ago, was less discordant and less different than the nuclear family and the values we have been talking about.

I don’t want to be a prude here though. I don’t want to say that at all, as I have good fun and enjoy some of the current culture.

Q: Let’s talk about the sense of entitlement seen today. I think that there are a lot of people in my boat that realize that we may not surpass the previous generation and we’re afraid. Some of us are reaching out for help, but the ones who are trying to better themselves still feel like that advice should be handed to them. Was that sense of entitlement prevalent when you were growing up or has it only recently emerged?

Ollendick: I’m sure there was a level of entitlement back in the 50's, 60's, and even the 40's and 30's, but it’s all relative in comparison to where it was in the generation before you. I think what has happened is that there is a sense of entitlement that is stronger than it was 15 years ago, and it keeps evolving.

I see it in my classes, where my students at one time would be eager to come and learn. Some still are, but others feel entitled to grades and certain kinds of things independent of what they are doing. That’s the critical issue. That is where entitlement becomes a problem; if it is independent of action and your behavior. If your behavior is such to get an A, then you are entitled to an A. But if your behavior is so much of what you would get with a D, or a C or a B, and you think you’re entitled to an A, then there’s a misfit.

So the issue is that, is your behavior consistent with what you expect? If it’s not, then you shouldn’t be entitled to what you expect. If you don’t go to your job and work, you shouldn’t think you should be entitled to become the vice president of the company. You should be fired. If you don’t go to classes, then you aren’t entitled to a grade. You aren’t entitled to a professor coming to always meet on your level.

I want to be very clear on this that I have great students. I work with students a lot and I’m saying that this is the extreme when we talk about people being entitled here. The majority of students are still like I was, very hard workers. But there is this core, a significant minority that really feel entitled. They need to grow up.

Q: One of the most prevalent books in my life so far has been Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club. It has given me the realization that I do have the power to take control over my life. I think a lot of strategy type books, Vonnegut, and other authors like Jack Keourac have shaped readers to transcend going through the motions of: go to high school, go to college, get a job, get married, grow up, and die. Do you feel that any other literature in particular is important these days? Does any book come to your mind specifically that has shaped development?

Ollendick: Well those are certainly good ones that I will echo. They are good because they go beyond normal day to day things and have tales of stories of those who achieve. Back in my day, it was more characters like Jackie Robinson and Mickey Mantle. They were individuals, heroes of the day. I’m not sure we have heroes anymore, although Obama may be coming close to it for some of us as a person who is really taking a stand on some issues and turning us, we think, in the right direction.

There has to be a better way. His writings and books have been very inspirational to me. There’s a book by Randy…blocking on the last name, called The Last Lecture. Sometimes when professors retire, you give your last lecture. So, what would you say to students in your last lecture?

Q: Oh, Randy Pausch! He had a terminal illness I believe?

Ollendick: Right, cancer. He literally gave his last lecture. He was dying. It’s a tremendously good book and an inspiration. Things like that kind of have a pull to them. There’s more than just gratification, gratification, gratification. It certainly is a good life, I have a good life, but there is work associated with that good life.

Q: So you’re saying that the heroes of the past aren’t here in the present anymore. Or, if they’re here in the present, they have taken on drastically different personas.

Ollendick: Using the analogy of sports heroes, look at the heroes today. Then look at the papers the next day and you realize they’re drug users and were on steroids for ten years. That’s not to say that all sports figures are like that. Lance Armstrong may well be an exception, he’s one of mine as a cyclist. As far as we know he has not been involved in drugs, but that isn’t always the case.

So if you take those people, and even the presidents. It isn’t to say that people in the old days were always clean and good. Now it may be a function moreso of our society and our instant communication, as you’re a communication major. You can’t do anything without people finding it out.

So we have Bill Clinton, who was a very good president, except that he did some things that tempered how he was going to be perceived. Everyone knew it. John Kennedy on the other hand is alleged to have had many affairs and no one even talked about it. It wasn’t an issue. If you go back into the presidents of the past, it’s the same thing. Now, everyone knows what everyone else does.

Didn’t someone write a song, Willie Nelson, called “Are There Anymore Real Cowboys?” The issue is are there anymore real heroes, for our discussion here, who really are what they are without this other baggage.

Q: A major theme of my blog has been to add in the lyrics of other musicians and prominent thinkers, so it’s interesting you brought up Willie Nelson. Another thing I’d comment on is that our first several presidents were war heroes or prominent figures that led the American people to some sort of victory.

We’re a bit short on time, if I could just ask one more question. How do you think that people my age have been shaped by their past, aside from their relationship with their parents?

Ollendick: Well I’m a developmental psychopathologist. What I mean by that is that I’m a firm believer is that what has happened in the past predicts to a large extent what will happen in the future.

Q: Do you think it repeats itself?

Ollendick: To some extent, yes. The best predictor of your behavior right now is your past behavior. I can take any person I see, whether it’s you, my wife, my daughters, or someone reading this blog, and predict their current behavior if I knew enough about their past behavior. That is to say that not only are parents important, but all of the experiences and opportunities you’ve had.

Depending upon your socioeconomic background, you’ve been exposed to things that you yourself have that some people the same age were not exposed to because they didn’t have the socioeconomic background you had.

Peers and social networks are extremely important. The two biggest influences on adolescents and developing children are peers and parents. Then you add to that social context such as money and socioeconomic status, and ethnicity. You are afforded things that an African-American might not be afforded, simply because you are not African-American.

That’s reality. It’s unquestionably true that you get by on some things that other people don’t. You don’t get watched when you go into a store. I have a good colleague here in the department that is African-American and he talks about when he was a youngster growing up he was always watched.

Q: Yeah, I came from a very rich, white suburb. I could count the number of African-American children in my school on one hand, and unfortunately that’s just the way it is in that community.

Ollendick: And that’s something that helped shape you though, and helped shape that handful of people you’re talking about.

Q: That’s why coming here was a nice change of pace with all of the diversity.

Ollendick: To have more diversity.

Q: Or diversity at all!

Ollendick: So it’s all kinds of influences. Genetics, I have a list of ten or twelve things I’d ordinarily talk about in one of my classes. Genetics are very important, like who your parents are. That’s not parenting, that’s who your parents are genetically. Your temperament, how you were born. Some of us upon birth in our first few weeks of life are very active and energetic and some of us are lethargic. That’s a biological influence. It’s not genetic necessarily, but genes are there and what happened during gestation while you were being birthed, and the birthing process.

Q: So there are thousands of variables it seems?

Ollendick: There really are. Certainly hundreds. And psychology and related fields has a handle on maybe one tenth of those. There are many, many variables. And then when you start to look at the interaction between genes and temperament, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, it’s so complex. Human beings are not like a bridge. I always envy my civil engineer friends because they can do things with a relative certitude and produce something that is there. I can’t make a human being. I can try. I certainly tried with my daughters. But you know you can’t make them. They are beyond making. They’re a product and a producer. Human beings are producers of their environment as much as products of it.

So all of these things we are talking about, you’re a product of that but you also produce it. You could have a genetic disease and still handle that much differently than someone else. I know a lot because of my work perhaps, but low socioeconomic status people, Caucasian, African-American, Hispanic, Japanese-American, whatever. It makes no difference, but there will be families that have one kid who does really well, and two other kids who don’t, or two who do really well and one who doesn’t. It’s not just the environment. It’s not just that family and it’s not just the genes.

Q: Understood. Okay, thank you very much for your time.

Ollendick: Not a problem, I enjoyed the conversation.

Control your mind, or someone else will

2009-02-03T21:43:00.000-08:00

I am a product of my environment.
-Dexter Holland

History. Why do we study it?

History teaches us about our past. It tells us a story about a time in which we had less experience. When we lack experience, we make mistakes. In essence, history is a long, long timeline of mistakes.

We learn about our history in order to understand why certain events happened or why seemingly perfect situations suddenly went awry. Recording history allows us to reflect upon the thought processes which led to Russian gulags, the Holocaust, central American single crop economies, containment, etc. Understanding our past helps us to better understand where we are now. And of course, understanding where we are now better prepares us for the future.

Who controls the past, controls the future
-Rage Against the Machine

It should come as no surprise that looking into our personal pasts will teach us about who we are today. There are two factors that mold us: our genetics and the environment. Obviously, genetics determine such things as our eye color, height, bone structure, basically things that we cannot change. For the most part, the environment will determine your personality and your behavior.

There is a huge debate about how big of a role the environment plays versus our genetics, but I am not qualified to take a stand on either side. All I’m going to say is this: A person born with an average IQ who is taught how to work hard will be more successful than someone born with a high IQ who relies on his or her natural intelligence to accomplish tasks.

We can control our behavior. We cannot control our genetics. So, let’s focus on behavior.

First and foremost, if you’re having trouble understanding a part of your behavior, you should take a good hard look at your relationship with your parents. Is it surprising that a girl whose father was abusive and vulgar has issues with the men in her life? Is it surprising that a boy who was constantly not good enough for his parents has self esteem issues?

I don’t know about you, but I was in pre-school when I was four years old. Pre-school was probably the first place I was exposed to personalities that were different from my own for an extended period of time. We start to form solid memories around that age, don’t we? Sure, you may have a freeze frame from age two, but it is difficult to form a concrete timeline at that age.

That’s roughly four years of mental unconsciousness that has already played a major role in shaping your attitude, lifestyle, and personality. At this point in time, those things are going to show. Some kids are more violent than others. Some are more well-read than others. Some have natural artistic abilities. These things all break the surface when you are compared to others.

So we carry on, living with these subtle differences until we reach situations that are foreign to us and frightening. How we deal with these problems is based on how we were raised. A more risk averse child will stand down from a school bully while a child with two older brothers on the football team will deliver a right hook with surprising accuracy. A thousand factors come into play here. Perhaps the child wants to impress his older brothers, or maybe he just doesn’t know any other response besides violence. Either way, this behavioral selection has been heavily based on upbringing.

Some families disallow cursing in the house, and are ready to punish their children for using obscenities. What happens when a child goes to school and hears hundreds of these words uttered per day? We’re like massive sponges as children, absorbing everything we see and hear and spitting it right back out, almost verbatim. Suddenly, a child is faced with a conflict between two environments that he wants to survive in. There are choices to be made…but wherein does the correct choice lie?

And this brings us to the grey area that we are now trapped in. We want everything to work out; you know, like “normal” people do. But that’s just it. Our definition of normal is extremely different than the next person’s. Dating three people within a week is normal for some, disgusting to others. Quitting when faced with an obstacle is normal for some, confounding to others.

This vague definition of normalcy is what crafts our personalities and our attitudes. We understand what acceptable forms of behavior are based on what we have experienced in our younger years. But just like history, sometimes our behaviors were atrocious and simply inexcusable. And this, traveler, is where your conscience comes into play.

You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. You can’t control the future, but you can grip the present. Have you ever seen someone do something so outlandishly stupid and ruthless that you just have to ask them, “Why?” What is the usual response? “Sorry, that’s just who I am.” That time has come and gone. That is unacceptable, to let some foreign power control your fate.

Try as you might, but you probably won’t become as tall as Wilt Chamberlain if you’re 21 years old and five and a half feet tall. You can only play more basketball and keep improving your game until you are satisfied.

Are we so obsessed with control over our lives that we simply do not accept the fact that some things are just beyond our power? Your genetics are beyond your power. Forget about them. Forget about having to apologize for who you are. What kind of self-loathing persona is that, in which you have to apologize for being you?

Your behavior is within your grasp. You don’t have to wander around feeling bad for yourself because you are doing the same old routine and expecting different results. You can look into your past and tell yourself that you don’t want to be one of those people whose personal issues are keeping them from chasing their dreams.

Dig deep and try to understand what has driven you to the edge of extinction. What is holding you back from being who you want to be? Why wait? What do you have to lose? Conquer yourself and you can conquer any hardship.

We may have been shaped by our pasts, but you will shape your own future.

But there’s something in his eyes that tells me that this is the life for me
-Thursday

Utopia today, flesh and blood tomorrow

2009-02-01T21:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Mother,
I'm sorry. There was nowhere left to run.
We fought and we fought until our bullets ran out,
and they took us one by one.
-The Lawrence Arms

Ever play Little League t-ball as a kid? Tell me, what happened at the end of the season? Did the champion team earn victorious praise in the form of those silvery trophies with the marble bases? Of course they did, but who else received trophies? Oh that’s right, the team that finished last, second last, third last, and so forth.

Everyone’s a winner, right? Have to keep those kids stuffed full of positive reinforcement and celebratory pizza, regardless of the occasion. It’s great, isn’t it? Smiles on everyone’s faces, competition falling onto the backburner in order to make room for the obligatory team pool party.

That is the environment we create for our youth. During the most developmental years of their lives, we simply ignore the fact that not everyone is a winner. It’s all about not hurting feelings and keeping people happy. That is a mentality which is absolutely destroying our ability to deal with situations that do not go our way. Handing someone a trophy for doing a terrible job is promoting mediocrity.

Celebrate your effort. Celebrate your ability to lose gracefully. Celebrate the fact that you started and finished something. Do anything but celebrate victory when you are not the victor.

Let’s take a look at it this way. You bust your ass forty five hours a week for your job and earn a bonus at the end of the year. Your effort alone has increased company profits and created a safer, more secure work environment for your co-workers. Naturally, your boss has rewarded you with a handsome bonus of several thousand dollars.

In the meantime, a fellow co-worker was an enormous liability this year. He shredded meaningful reports on accident, offended several clients, and was constantly late. And what does your boss do? He hands him a bonus that is slightly smaller than yours, but still rather handsome.

What has your co-worker learned? Exactly.

So when do we learn how to lose? When do we learn how to deal with their hurt feelings? When do we learn how to pick ourselves back up after we have been knocked down?

Failure is a part of life. Why are we so afraid of it?

I say that we are defined by our failures in life. I am defined by every piece of terrible writing I have ever produced. I am defined by every friend I have ever let down. I am defined by every stupid decision I have ever made. I am defined by my mistakes, because my mistakes have created who I am.

But know this much. Every piece of crappy writing that has been torn to shreds by armchair critics has only made me a better writer. Every stupid decision I have ever made has only led me to making smarter choices concerning my life.

For every loss, I will gain something. Does losing suck? Does it hurt? Yes, of course it does. It hurts to spend days thinking about something and failing anyway. It hurts to be rejected by someone you have feelings for. It hurts to work on a three year project only to see it dissolve due to circumstances that you cannot control.

But there are two parts to falling down, and that second part is picking yourself back up. I absolutely cannot stand those who stay down after failing and try to garner sympathy. What is almost worthy of more resentment are those who fall down and then live their life in such a manner that they avoid falling down ever again. What could you possibly hope to gain from that? Where is the value in never taking a chance in dealing with hurt feelings?

Take a chance on that which seems to be the making of a dream
-Anthony Kiedis

It’s not about how or why you failed. It’s not even close. It’s about how you deal with that failure. It’s about how you grow as a result of that failure.

That path isn’t easy to walk, but no one ever said it would be. It may be the right path, but it is difficult to stand up and face your problems head on. What do you do when you miss out on a job offer because of a poor interview or resume? A true failure will sulk back and avert his eyes from the ambitions that used to define him, giving up because of a coddled upbringing that taught him nothing about the hard work and sacrifice it takes to be successful.

Do not let that happen to yourself. Do not walk away from a situation without learning something. You pick up your papers, strengthen your people skills, improve your resume, and give it another shot. You only truly fail when you give up.

So go out there. Ask out a guy or girl you are attracted to. Apply for a job you actually want to work. Chase your dreams. Lose sight of what is really important and stray. End up on the streets, begging for money and surviving on your wit and instinct. Sleep on park benches. Lay awake at night, pondering your mistakes. Grow. Learn. Do it all, and never give up.

When will you really start your life? Ask yourself, “Why am I in college?” Are you merely following the motions that have been used by so many other people? Guess what, you aren’t those other people. It may have worked for them, but chances are it will not work for you.

What did your parents tell you? Did they specify a certain career path that you must follow? Who are they to tell you how to live your life? Who is anyone to tell you how to live your life?

Dream on, traveler.

You ain’t gonna play the blues unless you go and get yer heart broke
-Scott Braun

The first rule of Fight Club is...

2009-01-31T15:37:00.000-08:00

All a gun does is focus an explosion in one direction. You have a class of young strong men and women, and they want to give their lives to something. Advertising has these people chasing cars and clothes they don't need. Generations have been working in jobs they hate, just so they can buy what they don't really need. – Chuck Palahniuk

In a given day, we are exposed to THOUSANDS of advertising messages. I wake up beneath Nautica sheets and on top of a Temperpedic pad. I step into my Adidas shower shoes and trudge down the hall carrying my Dial: Soap for Men (as if these gender labels really are going to give me an indication of how clean I will be after using them). Also in my basket is a Gillette razor, because apparently natural hair on my face is a sign of laziness, which of course leads to self destructive behavior.

I pass four or five posters on the way to the shower, some of them telling me to join different clubs, others telling me to not consume alcohol. Some of them tell me how much trouble I can get in for consuming alcohol. This only makes me want to drink more, but the self righteous zealots that feel the desire to control aspects of MY life will never understand that.

I shampoo my hair because I have been taught that clean hair is attractive. I brush my teeth because I have been taught that halitosis drives away both sexes. I go run and lift at the gym not only to make my body stronger, but also because billboards tell me that’s how a man is supposed to look.

I do my homework because I have been taught that I want to get good grades. I want to get good grades because advertising also taught me that I want to graduate. I want to graduate because I should get a job. I should get a job because apparently I need money. I need money to go buy a house. I need a house to attract a wife and store shiny objects in. I need a wife to have a family. I need a family to…no. Stop.

I don’t need a family. I’m 19 and as confused as the rest of us when it comes to my future. I don’t need money that goes further than three meals a day and a roof over my head. I don’t need to graduate because others tell me to.

I don’t need a wife that wants me to buy her objects that apparently show my affection. I don’t need a wife that wants to perpetuate a lifestyle that has killed intellectualism. I don’t need a house so fancy that it makes up for how much I hate the eight hours of my day I spend working. I won’t waste away four fifths of my life to enjoy my useless possessions for one fifth of it. I won’t. I refuse.

This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time.

I will get my education because intellectualism is dying in America, and I am not going to let that continue. I will get my education because lately it hasn’t been “cool” to be smart. It’s not “cool” to be well read or to be intolerant of those who refuse to participate in self improvement. One of the most prominent figures in my life when it comes to advice is my father. His exact words were “Do what you love to do to the best of your ability. Get an education to expose yourself to a multitude of different aspects of life and fall back on what you have learned, should you ever fail.”

Semper fi. Always vigilant.

It is cool to be smart. It is cool to be able to discuss current events with your peers and voice your opinions. It is cool to step up to bat and try things that others won’t. It is cool to live your dreams. It is cool to be who YOU want to be.

Many of us are so busy following the messages that advertising has sent us that we are losing sight of the aspects of life that are truly enjoyable. Enjoyment doesn’t have to be in the form of some $4,500 television or expensive trip to Disney world. Enjoyment can be found in simplicity, and sometimes that is what produces some of your most treasured memories.

I traveled to Montreal multiple times with my band last summer. My favorite part of the entire road trip was just staring out the window as we drove through the high altitude regions, seeing mountains, grassy knolls, thick foliage, and a myriad of lakes. It is difficult to explain moments like these, but I think most will know what I’m talking about when you suddenly get that feeling that everything is all right.

A very simple memory. A memory that was void of the molestation we face by corporations on a daily basis. The cool water of the lake doesn’t care if you’re wearing your Billabong board shorts or whatever. Aesthetics will not judge you in any way, shape or form. They will not tell you what to do, nor will they lie to you.

One of the best elements of nature is that it will merely tell you if you are right or wrong. An icy lake means swimming is a poor decision to make. Wet wood means it will not burn well and produce too much smoke. On the other hand, advertising will tell us that you can never be wrong if you buy certain products. It overlooks the human factor of the equation, in which our personalities shape the discourse we have with others. Talking the talk and walking the walk are two entirely different sports, let alone ballparks.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to put up with the garbage that is spewed into our minds several thousand times a day. Instead of following the pack that will make it through life in mediocrity (which is acceptable to some…but not me), we can push through a region that has only seen a few travelers make it through.

You can spend your days tiptoeing through life, always making sure you have solid ground to step on. You will survive if you do that, but in my eyes you will not live. After all, who is going to reach their goals first: the person who slowly inches forward in safety or the person that takes a leaping risk?

Shout me in the streets and parks
Scrape your voices on the stars
-The Lawrence Arms

An introduction

2009-01-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

Why are we so destructive as human beings?

That's a difficult question. Is it the desensitization to violence? Is it the stunning lack of good parenting and positive environments in which to raise children? Is it just easier to pawn it all off as the Human Condition?

Certainly those are all negative things, but where did they spawn from? What is the plague that is causing all of these issues? Why can't we get to the root of these malices and eliminate them once and for all? Maybe the problem is us and our tendency to blame our problems on other circumstances.

I saw Chuck D from Public Enemy speak last night. He spoke of the devolution of hip hop music into childish gangsta rap, drug and gun culture, the current economic crisis, politics, and the lack of respect for intellectualism that people face today.

Witnessing his voice of compassion for this strife was pretty unbelievable. I grew up listening to Public Enemy, and Chuck D always had something to say that would make me instinctively respond with: "Wow...he's right" His statements are profound, blunt and straight to the point. There is no coddling within Chuck D's mind. He speaks to deliver the truth, no matter how harsh reality is.

The words he spoke inspired me. Here was a musician speaking to the world about how he saw things through his eyes. Certainly music has had an impact on his entire paradigm. Music has been so completely morphed by thousands of other paradigms that it is difficult for it to not have some effect on one's life, no matter how minor.

I had been toying with several ideas about this new blog, but only two of them really stood out for me. The first was music, an enormous part of my life. I knew that whatever I wrote had to have some sort of musical undertones in the message. The second idea was the fact that I constantly give advice to people. After roughly 6 years learning about the issues of others, you pick up on certain patterns (primarily environmental ones) that shape someone's worldview. Should I try an advice column perhaps...?

Seeing a musical artist discuss all matter of media in front of a live audience gave me an idea: why not combine the two? Music has millions of different themes that quite a few people live by. The same behaviors exhibited by humans are found mimicked by others in the form of lyrics.

The purpose of this blog will be to go in depth about human psychological and emotional problems. I will examine a myriad of sources for these issues and explain how quite a bit of media has been slowly infiltrating its corrupted information into your head. We will talk about the reason media exists. We will talk about the trials we all face as both children and adults. We will talk about ourselves and how our behavioral patterns are a result of how we have been influenced throughout our lives.

My goal is to make you aware of how much control you have over you life. There have been times in which I wish someone was around to discuss the issues that only a few dedicated people dared to tackle. Maybe after reading these essays, some of you won't feel so alone.

Why do we write? We write when we have something to say, and now I do.

"There is a war going on for you mind."
-Johnny 5