Utopia today, flesh and blood tomorrow

Dear Mother,
I'm sorry. There was nowhere left to run.
We fought and we fought until our bullets ran out,
and they took us one by one.
-The Lawrence Arms

Ever play Little League t-ball as a kid? Tell me, what happened at the end of the season? Did the champion team earn victorious praise in the form of those silvery trophies with the marble bases? Of course they did, but who else received trophies? Oh that’s right, the team that finished last, second last, third last, and so forth.

Everyone’s a winner, right? Have to keep those kids stuffed full of positive reinforcement and celebratory pizza, regardless of the occasion. It’s great, isn’t it? Smiles on everyone’s faces, competition falling onto the backburner in order to make room for the obligatory team pool party.

That is the environment we create for our youth. During the most developmental years of their lives, we simply ignore the fact that not everyone is a winner. It’s all about not hurting feelings and keeping people happy. That is a mentality which is absolutely destroying our ability to deal with situations that do not go our way. Handing someone a trophy for doing a terrible job is promoting mediocrity.

Celebrate your effort. Celebrate your ability to lose gracefully. Celebrate the fact that you started and finished something. Do anything but celebrate victory when you are not the victor.

Let’s take a look at it this way. You bust your ass forty five hours a week for your job and earn a bonus at the end of the year. Your effort alone has increased company profits and created a safer, more secure work environment for your co-workers. Naturally, your boss has rewarded you with a handsome bonus of several thousand dollars.

In the meantime, a fellow co-worker was an enormous liability this year. He shredded meaningful reports on accident, offended several clients, and was constantly late. And what does your boss do? He hands him a bonus that is slightly smaller than yours, but still rather handsome.

What has your co-worker learned? Exactly.

So when do we learn how to lose? When do we learn how to deal with their hurt feelings? When do we learn how to pick ourselves back up after we have been knocked down?

Failure is a part of life. Why are we so afraid of it?

I say that we are defined by our failures in life. I am defined by every piece of terrible writing I have ever produced. I am defined by every friend I have ever let down. I am defined by every stupid decision I have ever made. I am defined by my mistakes, because my mistakes have created who I am.

But know this much. Every piece of crappy writing that has been torn to shreds by armchair critics has only made me a better writer. Every stupid decision I have ever made has only led me to making smarter choices concerning my life.

For every loss, I will gain something. Does losing suck? Does it hurt? Yes, of course it does. It hurts to spend days thinking about something and failing anyway. It hurts to be rejected by someone you have feelings for. It hurts to work on a three year project only to see it dissolve due to circumstances that you cannot control.

But there are two parts to falling down, and that second part is picking yourself back up. I absolutely cannot stand those who stay down after failing and try to garner sympathy. What is almost worthy of more resentment are those who fall down and then live their life in such a manner that they avoid falling down ever again. What could you possibly hope to gain from that? Where is the value in never taking a chance in dealing with hurt feelings?

Take a chance on that which seems to be the making of a dream
-Anthony Kiedis

It’s not about how or why you failed. It’s not even close. It’s about how you deal with that failure. It’s about how you grow as a result of that failure.

That path isn’t easy to walk, but no one ever said it would be. It may be the right path, but it is difficult to stand up and face your problems head on. What do you do when you miss out on a job offer because of a poor interview or resume? A true failure will sulk back and avert his eyes from the ambitions that used to define him, giving up because of a coddled upbringing that taught him nothing about the hard work and sacrifice it takes to be successful.

Do not let that happen to yourself. Do not walk away from a situation without learning something. You pick up your papers, strengthen your people skills, improve your resume, and give it another shot. You only truly fail when you give up.

So go out there. Ask out a guy or girl you are attracted to. Apply for a job you actually want to work. Chase your dreams. Lose sight of what is really important and stray. End up on the streets, begging for money and surviving on your wit and instinct. Sleep on park benches. Lay awake at night, pondering your mistakes. Grow. Learn. Do it all, and never give up.

When will you really start your life? Ask yourself, “Why am I in college?” Are you merely following the motions that have been used by so many other people? Guess what, you aren’t those other people. It may have worked for them, but chances are it will not work for you.

What did your parents tell you? Did they specify a certain career path that you must follow? Who are they to tell you how to live your life? Who is anyone to tell you how to live your life?

Dream on, traveler.

You ain’t gonna play the blues unless you go and get yer heart broke
-Scott Braun