Control your mind, or someone else will

I am a product of my environment.
-Dexter Holland

History. Why do we study it?

History teaches us about our past. It tells us a story about a time in which we had less experience. When we lack experience, we make mistakes. In essence, history is a long, long timeline of mistakes.

We learn about our history in order to understand why certain events happened or why seemingly perfect situations suddenly went awry. Recording history allows us to reflect upon the thought processes which led to Russian gulags, the Holocaust, central American single crop economies, containment, etc. Understanding our past helps us to better understand where we are now. And of course, understanding where we are now better prepares us for the future.

Who controls the past, controls the future
-Rage Against the Machine

It should come as no surprise that looking into our personal pasts will teach us about who we are today. There are two factors that mold us: our genetics and the environment. Obviously, genetics determine such things as our eye color, height, bone structure, basically things that we cannot change. For the most part, the environment will determine your personality and your behavior.

There is a huge debate about how big of a role the environment plays versus our genetics, but I am not qualified to take a stand on either side. All I’m going to say is this: A person born with an average IQ who is taught how to work hard will be more successful than someone born with a high IQ who relies on his or her natural intelligence to accomplish tasks.

We can control our behavior. We cannot control our genetics. So, let’s focus on behavior.

First and foremost, if you’re having trouble understanding a part of your behavior, you should take a good hard look at your relationship with your parents. Is it surprising that a girl whose father was abusive and vulgar has issues with the men in her life? Is it surprising that a boy who was constantly not good enough for his parents has self esteem issues?

I don’t know about you, but I was in pre-school when I was four years old. Pre-school was probably the first place I was exposed to personalities that were different from my own for an extended period of time. We start to form solid memories around that age, don’t we? Sure, you may have a freeze frame from age two, but it is difficult to form a concrete timeline at that age.

That’s roughly four years of mental unconsciousness that has already played a major role in shaping your attitude, lifestyle, and personality. At this point in time, those things are going to show. Some kids are more violent than others. Some are more well-read than others. Some have natural artistic abilities. These things all break the surface when you are compared to others.

So we carry on, living with these subtle differences until we reach situations that are foreign to us and frightening. How we deal with these problems is based on how we were raised. A more risk averse child will stand down from a school bully while a child with two older brothers on the football team will deliver a right hook with surprising accuracy. A thousand factors come into play here. Perhaps the child wants to impress his older brothers, or maybe he just doesn’t know any other response besides violence. Either way, this behavioral selection has been heavily based on upbringing.

Some families disallow cursing in the house, and are ready to punish their children for using obscenities. What happens when a child goes to school and hears hundreds of these words uttered per day? We’re like massive sponges as children, absorbing everything we see and hear and spitting it right back out, almost verbatim. Suddenly, a child is faced with a conflict between two environments that he wants to survive in. There are choices to be made…but wherein does the correct choice lie?

And this brings us to the grey area that we are now trapped in. We want everything to work out; you know, like “normal” people do. But that’s just it. Our definition of normal is extremely different than the next person’s. Dating three people within a week is normal for some, disgusting to others. Quitting when faced with an obstacle is normal for some, confounding to others.

This vague definition of normalcy is what crafts our personalities and our attitudes. We understand what acceptable forms of behavior are based on what we have experienced in our younger years. But just like history, sometimes our behaviors were atrocious and simply inexcusable. And this, traveler, is where your conscience comes into play.

You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it. You can’t control the future, but you can grip the present. Have you ever seen someone do something so outlandishly stupid and ruthless that you just have to ask them, “Why?” What is the usual response? “Sorry, that’s just who I am.” That time has come and gone. That is unacceptable, to let some foreign power control your fate.

Try as you might, but you probably won’t become as tall as Wilt Chamberlain if you’re 21 years old and five and a half feet tall. You can only play more basketball and keep improving your game until you are satisfied.

Are we so obsessed with control over our lives that we simply do not accept the fact that some things are just beyond our power? Your genetics are beyond your power. Forget about them. Forget about having to apologize for who you are. What kind of self-loathing persona is that, in which you have to apologize for being you?

Your behavior is within your grasp. You don’t have to wander around feeling bad for yourself because you are doing the same old routine and expecting different results. You can look into your past and tell yourself that you don’t want to be one of those people whose personal issues are keeping them from chasing their dreams.

Dig deep and try to understand what has driven you to the edge of extinction. What is holding you back from being who you want to be? Why wait? What do you have to lose? Conquer yourself and you can conquer any hardship.

We may have been shaped by our pasts, but you will shape your own future.

But there’s something in his eyes that tells me that this is the life for me
-Thursday

Utopia today, flesh and blood tomorrow

Dear Mother,
I'm sorry. There was nowhere left to run.
We fought and we fought until our bullets ran out,
and they took us one by one.
-The Lawrence Arms

Ever play Little League t-ball as a kid? Tell me, what happened at the end of the season? Did the champion team earn victorious praise in the form of those silvery trophies with the marble bases? Of course they did, but who else received trophies? Oh that’s right, the team that finished last, second last, third last, and so forth.

Everyone’s a winner, right? Have to keep those kids stuffed full of positive reinforcement and celebratory pizza, regardless of the occasion. It’s great, isn’t it? Smiles on everyone’s faces, competition falling onto the backburner in order to make room for the obligatory team pool party.

That is the environment we create for our youth. During the most developmental years of their lives, we simply ignore the fact that not everyone is a winner. It’s all about not hurting feelings and keeping people happy. That is a mentality which is absolutely destroying our ability to deal with situations that do not go our way. Handing someone a trophy for doing a terrible job is promoting mediocrity.

Celebrate your effort. Celebrate your ability to lose gracefully. Celebrate the fact that you started and finished something. Do anything but celebrate victory when you are not the victor.

Let’s take a look at it this way. You bust your ass forty five hours a week for your job and earn a bonus at the end of the year. Your effort alone has increased company profits and created a safer, more secure work environment for your co-workers. Naturally, your boss has rewarded you with a handsome bonus of several thousand dollars.

In the meantime, a fellow co-worker was an enormous liability this year. He shredded meaningful reports on accident, offended several clients, and was constantly late. And what does your boss do? He hands him a bonus that is slightly smaller than yours, but still rather handsome.

What has your co-worker learned? Exactly.

So when do we learn how to lose? When do we learn how to deal with their hurt feelings? When do we learn how to pick ourselves back up after we have been knocked down?

Failure is a part of life. Why are we so afraid of it?

I say that we are defined by our failures in life. I am defined by every piece of terrible writing I have ever produced. I am defined by every friend I have ever let down. I am defined by every stupid decision I have ever made. I am defined by my mistakes, because my mistakes have created who I am.

But know this much. Every piece of crappy writing that has been torn to shreds by armchair critics has only made me a better writer. Every stupid decision I have ever made has only led me to making smarter choices concerning my life.

For every loss, I will gain something. Does losing suck? Does it hurt? Yes, of course it does. It hurts to spend days thinking about something and failing anyway. It hurts to be rejected by someone you have feelings for. It hurts to work on a three year project only to see it dissolve due to circumstances that you cannot control.

But there are two parts to falling down, and that second part is picking yourself back up. I absolutely cannot stand those who stay down after failing and try to garner sympathy. What is almost worthy of more resentment are those who fall down and then live their life in such a manner that they avoid falling down ever again. What could you possibly hope to gain from that? Where is the value in never taking a chance in dealing with hurt feelings?

Take a chance on that which seems to be the making of a dream
-Anthony Kiedis

It’s not about how or why you failed. It’s not even close. It’s about how you deal with that failure. It’s about how you grow as a result of that failure.

That path isn’t easy to walk, but no one ever said it would be. It may be the right path, but it is difficult to stand up and face your problems head on. What do you do when you miss out on a job offer because of a poor interview or resume? A true failure will sulk back and avert his eyes from the ambitions that used to define him, giving up because of a coddled upbringing that taught him nothing about the hard work and sacrifice it takes to be successful.

Do not let that happen to yourself. Do not walk away from a situation without learning something. You pick up your papers, strengthen your people skills, improve your resume, and give it another shot. You only truly fail when you give up.

So go out there. Ask out a guy or girl you are attracted to. Apply for a job you actually want to work. Chase your dreams. Lose sight of what is really important and stray. End up on the streets, begging for money and surviving on your wit and instinct. Sleep on park benches. Lay awake at night, pondering your mistakes. Grow. Learn. Do it all, and never give up.

When will you really start your life? Ask yourself, “Why am I in college?” Are you merely following the motions that have been used by so many other people? Guess what, you aren’t those other people. It may have worked for them, but chances are it will not work for you.

What did your parents tell you? Did they specify a certain career path that you must follow? Who are they to tell you how to live your life? Who is anyone to tell you how to live your life?

Dream on, traveler.

You ain’t gonna play the blues unless you go and get yer heart broke
-Scott Braun